"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don't give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.
If you think that married people never question whether they married the right person, you are wrong. Why else would the divorce rate be so high? Satan will work hard on you when you get married, and when times get tough, he will try to make you question whether or not you made a mistake. He wants you to think that you will be happier with someone else, when in reality, studies show that people are more likely to find happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce.
Early in my marriage, when Ben and I reached one of "those" crossroads (talked about yesterday), I got scared and I started to question my decision. That is when I found the talk quoted above and it brought me a lot of comfort. I thought back to when I met Ben. It was at a time in my life that I was keeping the commandments more diligently than ever before (and possibly since) and I could feel the companionship of the spirit stronger than any other time in my life. From the very first time that I saw Ben, something felt different. It wasn't love at first sight, in fact, neither of us made a very good impression on the first date, but somehow I knew it was something I needed to pursue.
Our courtship was a lot of fun. If there were ever two people "living on cloud 9" it was us. Everything had just felt right about our relationship from the beginning, and three months into it, I admitted to all my friends that I loved him and I was going to marry him, he just didn't know it yet. A week after this confession he dropped the "'L' bomb." If we are being specific, he actually said he "liked me all the way," but I knew what he was getting at: he loved me and I loved him back.
Once we started talking about marriage, Ben already seemed so sure that I was who he was supposed to marry, he had already received his answer. I, on the other hand, had yet to pray about it. And since I knew that "the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved," (Thomas B. Holman, Choosing and Being the Right Spouse) I prayed. And the answer I received said,You already know you should marry him. You have been keeping my commandments and have been worthy of the constant companionship of my spirit. If it was against my will that you marry Ben, I would have told you by now. Something would have felt off.
Not only did it make sense in my heart, it made sense in my mind. I knew that Ben was incredibly smart and would be able to support us, that he was a hard worker, that he was strong in the gospel, and that he treated me right. Elder Lynn G. Robbins said, "The decision of who you marry is the most important of your life. It is a decision that will be made with both your heart and your head. In other words, it will feel right (heart) and make sense (mind)."
Now, my advice to all of you who get a confirmation to your prayers is to write it down. Right then. Write down how you felt and the strength and conviction that confirmation gave you. It will come in handy someday. The fact that I was able to recall and have confidence in that original confirmation of my prayers saved me from doing anything rash that might have hurt or ended my marriage. From that point on, when times got tough, I was able to "cast not away therefore [my] confidence" and remember that our marriage had received the most important endorsement of all. Our marriage is a good thing, it was right then, and it is right now.
If you are contemplating marriage, pray about it, be sure and confident in your answer, write it down, and REMEMBER it. That way you will always know that you married the right person. That being said, if you receive the answer that you should not marry someone, listen to it! I heard a quote once that I've been unable to find today (if anyone knows the source I'd appreciate the tip) that said something like, "if you receive a prompting that your relationship is not right, run, do not walk away from it."
Last of all, I think it is important to remember that "'Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." - President Spencer W. Kimball.
Essentially he is saying there is no "one" person for everyone, there are many people out there we could be happy with if we are willing to work at it. So when it comes down to it, just "choose your love, then love your choice." - President Thomas S. Monson
I think that quote does a perfect job of seguing us into tomorrow's topic: Being the right person
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